


Accursed

by boneswrites



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jim is Jim, M/M, Major Character Injury, and Leonard picks up the pieces, and they fit together perfectly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 20:36:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7237510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boneswrites/pseuds/boneswrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard has always been good at keeping secrets. Something that has to do with the doctor-patient confidentiality thing, he suspected. But when it came to how he felt towards Jim, it was more of a curse than a blessing. He suspected Jim knew how he felt about him, but he either didn’t feel the same way or simply didn’t care. Leonard may be an old soul but he certainly is no fool. And he did share a dorm with Jim at the Academy. ‘Monogamy’ was not among the young Captain’s vocabulary and that Leonard was sure of. There’s no way in hell he’ll be able to find out the truth.</p><p>...Until one day, he does. And of course, Jim Kirk has to get hurt and make it dramatic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I saw an ask on tumblr which inspired me to write this piece. It was originally supposed to be a one shot but when it comes to me and writing, nothing is ever as expected. So, here we are. Angst and emotions and tears. I hope y'all enjoy and feedback is always greatly appreciated!

Leonard has always been good at keeping secrets. Something that has to do with the doctor-patient confidentiality thing, he suspected. He wore his heart on his sleeve, aside from the tough sarcastic wall he had, he was filled with nothing but care and loyalty deep inside. But when it came to how he felt towards Jim, it was more of a curse than a blessing. Whenever he was with Jim, the world seemed to crumble away, leaving them as if they were the last two people on earth. Or at least that’s how it felt to Leonard. It was Jim, and Jim alone.

What terrified the doctor is knowing how observant and clever Jim really is, despite the younger man’s efforts to brush his skills to the side. Leonard knew, because that’s what they did. They know each other better than they know themselves. And for that very reason, Leonard wanted to jump out the nearest window.

He suspected Jim knew how he felt about him, but he either didn’t feel the same way or simply didn’t care. Leonard may be an old soul but he certainly is no fool. And he did share a dorm with Jim at the Academy. ‘Monogamy’ was not among the young Captain’s vocabulary and that Leonard was sure of. There’s no way in hell he’ll be able to find out the truth. His chances decrease even more with the fact that not once over the years they had known each other, Jim had expressed interest in men. Why was Leonard even thinking about his chances? He has a higher chance of getting blown into a million particles in space than ending up with Jim.

Leonard didn’t have much experience with other men. In fact, over the course of his life, he’d been with one guy. It was during his mid-teens, the age of experimentation and figuring out who you really are but in Leonard’s case, it did nothing but confuse him even more. And then a couple years later he met Jocelyn, and well, the rest is history.

It isn’t a matter of him believing his feelings for Jim, he knows they’re real and he knows it isn’t a phase that will pass. Because it if were a phase, then it’s the longest damn phase he ever went through. He was certain that he was in love with Jim halfway into their first year at the Academy. But he knew he had begun to fall for his best friend the moment they met on that shuttle in Riverside. Jim had looked at him with so much understanding, looked at him with something else too, something that Leonard would find out later was hope.

And Jim didn’t make it easy. No, of course he didn’t. That damn perfect idiot never made anything easy. It were those moments, when they’d be alone on the bridge or Jim would drop by Leonard’s quarters, the way he wouldn’t say anything and he would just look at Leonard, straight into his eyes and smile. It drove Leonard crazy. And it took every ounce of his control not to grab Jim’s soft face and smash his lips against Jim’s pink ones. He’d painfully turn around and throw one of his infamous lines at Jim. Jim would chuckle and say, “I’ll see you later, Bones” and Leonard wouldn’t dare turn around until he hears the switch of the door behind Jim. He’d notice that his hands were shaking.

Jim didn’t drop by Med Bay at the end of Alpha shift and Leonard didn’t make the usual trip to the bridge, either. It had been hectic shift and both men clearly wanted nothing more than to get a good night’s sleep in their beds.

Leonard didn’t expect the computer to inform him that Jim was waiting in front of his door just as he was throwing on a soft cotton shirt. Leonard let him in.

“Shouldn’t you be crashing in your quarters right about now?” Leonard shot, walking towards the counter in his kitchen.

Jim shrugged. “Been a long day, thought I’d check in on you.”

“I’m fine, Jim, don’t worry about me. You should get some rest. Like you said, it’s been a long day.”

“Can’t get much sleep,” Jim said honestly.

That grabbed Leonard’s attention. Sure, Jim would just talk here and there to keep Leonard’s company alive, but the doctor knew Jim wouldn’t say something like that just to keep the conversation going. Leonard turned, facing Jim and noticed how tired and small the man in front of him truly looked. They’d forget sometimes how young Jim really is, and that he’s got the weight of the world hanging on his shoulders.

“What’s going on?” Leonard frowned.

Jim sighed, dropping on the couch. “Just can’t manage to get more than a couple of hours and then…I work out until shift starts.”

“They’ve been getting worse?”

“I wouldn’t know. Don’t usually hang around long enough to find out. It’s over pretty quickly but I can’t seem to go back to sleep.”

Leonard ran his hand through his messy black locks, giving the back of his neck a few squeezes. Jim had been getting nightmares and they’ve been getting more intense, ever since he was revived it had been getting worse. Leonard tried to help, prescribing as many sleeping pills as he was allowed to get Jim some solid hours of sleep. It had worked in the beginning but soon found to be ineffective. It was probably Khan’s blood surging through Jim’s veins, well, his blood now. Either way, Leonard suspected that the serum still had effect over what goes into Jim’s body and he hated it. As if that son of a bitch hadn’t done enough already.

“Want a drink?” Leonard suggested.

“That would be great,” Jim nodded.

Leonard poured them identical fingers of whiskey and joined Jim on the couch, hanging him his glass. They clanged them and Leonard took a sip, simultaneously gazing into Jim’s eyes and there he went again with the deep stares and small smile. Leonard almost choked on the liquor.

On account of their very long day, both men were stumbling towards Leonard’s bed before they could pour themselves a second round. They had mostly sat in silence but between them, no words needed to be said.

Knowing that Leonard prefers to sleep on the right side, Jim immediately made his way towards the left and had just enough time to kick off his boots before falling onto the mattress and sinking into darkness. Leonard, with the skills he acquired through the many years knowing Jim, successfully stripped the captain of his gold command tunic and black pants, leaving him in his boxer briefs and covered his body before slipping into bed himself.

For the first time since he could remember, Jim slept through the night. And when he woke up at the sound of Leonard’s alarm, he was alone in bed. There was a note stuck under his communicator written in none other than Leonard’s cursive handwriting that Jim can spot anywhere.

_Didn’t want to wake you, you needed the rest. Get some breakfast before you head up to the bridge, doctor’s orders. Your clothes are in the closet. I’ll see you later._

_~ B_

Jim smiled to himself and flexed his neck, feeling refreshed and stable. He walked onto the bridge thirty minutes later with a wide grin, hearing Chekov deliver the “Captain on the bridge” line enthusiastically and settled down in his chair. He would drop by the Med Bay to visit Leonard later.

Nearing the end of shift, Jim left the bridge and made his way to the bay, excitement surging through his veins. The door slid open and the area was calmer than usual, no patients laid on the biobeds, the medical staff was busy on their PADDs or stocking up on meds. He spotted Leonard sitting in his office, leaning over his PADD with his shoulders hunched forwards. He maneuvered through the bay, his crew acknowledging him with nods which he returned until he was leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest and a smile on his face.

“Quiet,” Jim spoke.

Leonard didn’t startle, didn’t even acknowledge Jim until he finished typing something up. Then he lifted his head, cocking his eyebrow at the captain. “Don’t you have a ship to run instead of standing there? You’ve got the stalkerish vibe, Jim.”

“I wouldn’t dare! If I were stalking you, you’d know it,” Jim shrugged.

“Oh, that makes me feel a lot better,” Leonard rolled his eyes.

Jim chuckled and walked into the office, falling down on the couch pushed towards one of the walls. “You know, I slept through the night.”

Leonard stayed silent.

“I think it’s because you were there.”

Leonard bit down on the inside of his cheek, the heat flaring up in his face. “Where are you going with this, Jim?”

“Nowhere, just thought you’d want to know. The cure has been found.”

“That isn’t a cure,” Leonard scoffed. “You can’t sleep next to me forever.” _No matter how much I want you to,_ Leonard thought.

Jim studied Leonard for a few moments, noticing his shoulders tensing up and his frown deepening more than usual. Whatever words were about to be spoken died on his lips as his communicator came to life.

“Bridge to Captain Kirk.”

Jim groaned internally. “Kirk here, what’s up Spock?”

“You are needed on the bridge, Captain.”

“I’ll be right here, Kirk out,” Jim said, sighing after he closed his comm. “I guess I better hop to it then.” He didn’t wait for Leonard’s reply to move out of the couch.

“Get some sleep, kid,” Leonard spoke.

“I’ll do my best,” Jim said, throwing a smirk over his shoulder and trotted out of the Med Bay.

Leonard cursed under his breath and went back to work, trying not to think about Jim but failed. He gave up when he found himself reading the same line for the seventh time. Goddamn perfect idiot.

By the end of shift, Leonard managed to weasel his way out of the bay and drag his feet towards his quarters when he stopped halfway, something sat heavy on his chest.

“Damn it,” he breathed before changing his destination to Jim’s quarters.

“Bones,” Jim beamed when he saw Leonard on his doorstep.

Leonard couldn’t utter a word because of course Jim had to be shirtless, wearing nothing but sweatpants that hung low on his hips. Leonard swallowed, attempting to glue his eyes on Jim’s face, which wasn’t helping at all either. Neither was his heart that was currently hammering harshly against his ribcage. Remind him again why he thought this was a good idea…

Leonard cleared his throat. “Can’t let you go without a decent night’s sleep.”

“Aw, Bones, look at you,” Jim teased.

“Don’t get used to it,” Leonard growled, pushing his way into Jim’s quarters and headed straight for the bed.

“I knew you had it in you.”

“Shut up.”

Jim giggled, getting into bed himself.

Leonard could feel the heat radiating off Jim’s body for the entire night.

The next few days went as well as can go in space. Med Bay was quiet for the most part, they didn’t encounter any rogue ships nor did aliens want to take over the Enterprise. And Jim seemed to be getting the rest he needed, and he was eating better, too. That was the biggest win in Leonard’s book.

But being in space, one couldn’t hold their breath and hope it stays like that till they return home. Of course something had to go wrong. A conference scheduled to be held on Delta IV where most of Federation Planets representatives were attending. It was crucial for Jim to attend, given that he is the Captain of the flagship of the Federation but he was unable to confirm his attendance due to time restriction. But since they were making good time and no freak accidents, Jim had told Spock to go ahead and confirm their attendance. The entire bridge crew had to be present. One CMO wasn’t particularly happy about that.

“I just don’t get why I have to be there. Damn it I’m a doctor not tourist,” Leonard huffed.

Jim chuckled, leaning backwards into Leonard’s couch. “I know that, but it’s the rules.”

“Since when do you give a damn about rules?”

“I don’t,” Jim shrugged. “But I won’t break this particular one because I want you there with me.”

“Don’t get all sentimental and gooey, Jim, it doesn’t suit you,” Leonard said, downing his drink in one go.

“It’s not gonna be that bad, Bones. It’s actually very similar to home.”

“Home that isn’t home, how wonderful,” Leonard sighed.

“It’s gonna be fun, you’ll see,” Jim smiled.

Leonard just poured himself another round and washed it down, embracing the burn as it ran down his throat.

The bridge crew beamed down to the surface of the planet, along with their security detail two days later. They were greeted by the Deltan officials and shown to their living quarters. They were given a whole floor just for themselves, with multiple rooms overlooking the city. Spock and Uhura shared a room, while everyone else took one for themselves, but Jim made sure to take the room next to Leonard’s.

“Wait until you see the city at night, Bones,” Jim winked, walking through the door.

Leonard shook his head and stepped into his room to get changed.

The conference was to last three days. That was three days of shaking hands, taking pictures and making small talk. All things Leonard deeply hated. But Jim had asked him to be there and there was no way in hell he’d say no to Jim. Leonard kept to himself most of the time, the first day was more of half a day, they did all the above and had dinner before heading back to get some sleep. Leonard always hovered near Jim. He hoped it wasn’t obvious. It was.

They received their schedules and upon finding out they have about four hours of free time the second day, Scotty, Sulu, Chekov and Uhura had decided to go shopping and failed to convince Leonard to join them, and Jim and Spock discovered a science museum they both wanted to visit and also failed to convince Leonard to join them. So Leonard found himself alone in his living quarters, his best friend the one person on his mind.

His mind went back to the previous day and the sparkle that shone in Jim’s blue eyes, and the way he’d glance at him for a second, giving him a genuine smile. It would only last for a fraction of time but it warmed Leonard’s heart and quickened his heartbeat. Leonard closed his eyes and allowed himself to drown in the feeling of Jim, the countless times he touched his skin to check or heal wounds or the many nights they sat down and drank together, bitching about the past or those rare moments when they sit in silence saying nothing but saying everything.

Leonard had sworn to himself to never allow the possibility of falling in love again after the fallout that came with the divorce that nearly destroyed him. And then he meets Jim fucking Kirk and he’s suddenly a twelve-year-old girl. Figures.

His comm chirped, startling him. Leonard blindly felt for it and flipped it open.

“McCoy,” he answered.

“Bones!” A very excited Jim rang through the unit. “What are you doing?”

“Uh, nothing. Shouldn’t you be at the museum with the pointy eared bastard?”

“Yeah but change of plans. I found something better. Be downstairs in five minutes.”

“Jim, what—” But Jim had ended their call. Sighing heavily, Leonard pushed himself off the chair and threw on a polo shirt, wondering what on earth Jim was up to.

The moment Leonard stepped onto the sidewalk he spotted Jim trotting happily towards him.

“Jim…”

“Come on,” Jim encouraged, grabbing Leonard’s arm as they began walking. “You’ll like this, I promise.”

“Spock was fine with you leaving?”

“I kind of abandoned him but he seemed to be having the time of his life, he’ll be fine,” Jim chuckled.

“Are you kidnapping me?”

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” Jim teased. “Nah, relax Bones, you’ll be glad you made the trip.”

Leonard suspected they were moving away from the city because the traffic was decreasing and the people seemed to be disappearing. “We’re moving away from the city.”

“Pretty observant, doc.”

Leonard could smell it before he could see it: peaches.

A few minutes later, both men were standing in front of a huge orchard planted with peach trees. Suddenly, Leonard was back in Georgia. Back home.

He turned to face Jim, his mouth hanging open. “Jim…”

“I know it’s not much, but when I found out about it I knew I had to bring you here.”

“It’s beautiful,” Leonard’s eyes wandered back to the endless ground ahead.

“You said that thing about home not being home and I wanted to help make you feel as close as possible to your actual home,” Jim smiled.

Leonard leaned in and kissed Jim’s temple. “I am glad I made the trip.”

“And you can pick some yourself and buy them,” Jim added.

“Well, it’s time I show you the true art of picking peaches.”

Jim chuckled. “Lead the way then. Under the condition you make me the cobbler when we’re back on the ship. It’s been too long. Don’t know why you wouldn’t just use replicated peach.”

“It would be my pleasure,” Leonard promised. “And because replicated peach isn’t peach, it’s a disgrace to Georgians and all of human kind.”

They returned to their living area two hours later to find the rest of the crew waiting for them in the reception. Albeit they were a little late, but their bright faces and bag full of fresh peaches were worth it.

They had no idea their entire worlds will crumble within the hours that followed.


	2. Chapter 2

Everything had gone according to plan the following (and last) day of the conference. Jim had given a big speech and was awarded with a standing ovation and the food was served. The rest of the crew wasn’t needed for the night, and seeing that it seemed like the party will continue until the sun comes up, Leonard whispered into Jim’s ear, telling him he’ll be heading back for the night and Jim gave him a nod and a smile. Jim knew not to push Leonard to stay, the doctor had given everything he had already. He took Chekov (the kid was too young to be out for this) and Sulu back to their living area, as well, leaving Spock, Uhura and Scotty behind with Jim.

They said their goodnights and Leonard entered his room, peeling off his stiff uniform and wiggled into sweatpants and a cotton shirt instead. He went to pour himself a glass of bourbon when his comm came to life.

“McCoy.”

“Len!” Uhura’s frantic voice replied.

Leonard immediately forgot about the drink, knowing that something was wrong. Uhura was usually calm and collected. Something was very wrong. _Jim_.

“What happened?” Leonard’s voice was sharp.

“It all happened so quickly! A bunch of men stormed into the hall and began firing—”

“Nyota! Jim! Is Jim okay?!” Leonard demanded, his heart about to pop out of his chest.

“He took multiple hits! He’s conscious but you gotta hurry Len!”

 _Of course Jim had to get hurt_. “I’m on my way back now! Can you put him on?”

“Yeah, one second,” Uhura pushed the comm near Jim’s mouth.

“’ones…” Jim breathed weakly.

“Yeah, Jim, I’m right here, I’m coming back for you right now. Just stay awake, can you do that for me? Hang on until I come for you, okay?” Leonard prayed his voice wasn’t shaking as much as his hands were.

“It…hurts,” Jim groaned.

“I know, darlin’, I know, but you gotta hold on.” _I don’t know what I’d do without you. Please, Jim._ “Uhura.”

“Here.”

“Tell Scotty that we’re beaming back to the ship the second I get there. Keep pressure on his wounds, I’m on my way!”

Leonard flipping his comm shut, grabbed his MedKit and rushed out, banging on Sulu and Chekov’s doors. Thankfully, they opened almost instantly.

“Something’s happened, Jim’s been injured. We gotta head back.”

Chaotic was too soft of a word to describe the situation at the conference. All three males scanned the packed room, searching for their friends. Leonard’s doctor instincts had kicked in and told him to help as many people as he could but he pushed that to the side, Jim needed him, he had to get to Jim.

“Zere!” Chekov’s arm shot up in the opposite director, spotting Spock standing between everyone else.

Leonard ran until he reached Spock and saw Nyota and Scotty leaning over Jim, holding already soaked towels to three area of Jim’s body. And Jim’s eyes were closed and his face was pale and he wasn’t moving. Leonard swallowed the bile rising in his throat and dropped to his knees, covering Jim’s sweaty cheek with his palm.

“Jim? Jim, can you hear me? How long has he been like this?” Leonard asked, his eyes not leaving Jim.

“Five minutes,” Uhura answered.

Leonard yanked the tricorder from his kit and ran it over Jim’s body, cursing at the results. Massive internal bleeding, a collapsed lung, thigh muscle damage, heart rate and blood pressure low and dropping.

“Damn it,” Leonard blew out. He grabbed a hypo and injected its contents into Jim’s neck. “Hopefully this will stabilize his heart rate and BP until we get to the ship.”

“Eh, I’m afraid it’s gonna be a while, doc,” Scotty spoke up.

“What?” Leonard’s eyes went wide, straightening his back.

“They cut all communications and transporter capabilities, Enterprise can’t beam us out.”

“They do know that the Captain of the Federation flagship is critically injured and is bleeding out as we speak, right?”

“These conditions apply to everyone, Doctor,” Spock said.

“I don’t give two damns about everyone, Spock! I give a damn about Jim! Too much time has already been wasted, I can’t work down here! Get us back on the ship, I don’t care what you have to do, just do it and fast!”

Leonard leaned back down next to Jim, running the tricorder over him again. He was getting worse, very quickly. They’d lose him if they don’t move right fucking now.

Jim’s head turned to the side and his eyes began to open, his pupils sluggish but he managed to find Leonard’s frowning face.

“Bones?”

“Jim, thank God, I’m right here,” Leonard blocked the overhead light with his body, shielding Jim’s eyes. “You’re gonna be just fine, okay?”

“Ship?”

“There’s a small complication, we can’t get back to the ship right now but we’re working on it and we’ll be up there in no time. I just need you to hang on, don’t go into that big bright inviting light, okay?”

“How…bad is it?” Jim slurred.

“I don’t know, but it’s bad. You were hit twice in the chest and once in your thigh, I don’t know the extent of the damage but whatever it is I’ll fix it. Just…stay with me.” Leonard had promised to never to lie to Jim about his injuries, he wasn’t going to break that promise now.

“Hurts,” Jim squeezed his eyes shut, his face crunching up with pain.

“I know, but since you woke up I can give you something for the pain, it’s not strong, God knows why you’re allergic to all the goddamn good stuff.”

Jim fell back into oblivion as soon as Leonard administered the pain medication and Leonard moved to inspect the level of bleeding under the towels.

“How is he?” Uhura asked.

“He should be bleeding way more but since he isn’t I’m guessing the bullets or whatever they hit him with are acting like a cork, they’re blocking most of the blood flow for now. We’ll have to beam from here, if we move him we risk dislodging them and he’ll bleed out faster than I can get him into surgery. We need to be beamed into Med Bay. His heart rate and BP are stabilizing for now because of the pain meds, but there’s just so much I can do here, it will go to hell. We can’t be here when that happens.”

Scotty and Sulu appeared to be talking to someone in a suit, probably about their given situation.

Jim began to wheeze slightly, turning all of the attention back to him.

“Doctor?” Spock asked, with as much worry as he could muster.

“It’s his collapsed lung, it’s putting strain on his other lung, it’s making it harder for him to breathe.”

Scotty’s sudden raised voice grabbed everyone’s attention and Leonard ceased the moment and planted a tender kiss to Jim’s forehead, running his fingers through the now damp blond hair. He brought his lips close to Jim’s ear and began to speak.

“Don’t let go, Jim, don’t leave me. I need you, I need you so much you have no idea. There’s so much I haven’t told you and if you go…I’ll never forgive myself. Please, Jim, I can’t do this without you. You’re everything to me, you’re everything.” Leonard quickly wiped a tear with the back of his hand and straightened his back, thankful that everyone’s attention was still on Scotty and Sulu.

“B..ones,” Jim whispered. “I…know.” Jim tried to swallow, however had difficulty to do so.

“What?” Leonard’s eyebrows creased as he drew near to Jim again.

“I’m sorry,” Jim pushed out before his head lolled to the side and he loses consciousness once again.

Leonard surveyed Jim’s face and realized it was paler than it was before. And the layer of sweat shone brighter. He grabbed the tricorder and ran it over Jim, the results sending his heart straight into his knees. Over everything Jim was suffering from, a nasty infection has settled into his bloodstream. Damn it all to hell.

“Nyota,” Leonard growled.

Understanding, she exchanged places with the doctor as Leonard go to his feet and walked towards Scotty, Sulu and the mystery man. Clearly, no advancement was happening. Leonard had enough.

“Listen here, mister,” Leonard began. “I don’t care what rules need to broken, I don’t give two shits what the protocol says, we need to get off this bloody planet right fucking now!”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but who are you?” The Deltan seemed to be too coldblooded for Leonard’s liking.

“Who am I? I am the Chief Medical Officer of the Federation flagship, that’s who I am! And as far as I’m concerned, I have jurisdiction here!”

“I believe you are mistaken—”

“Oh, no I’m not. The Captain is critically injured and he’s fading fast, aside from the fact it’s your bloody damn fault he’s in that condition, he is in need of emergency surgery. Which I will perform. But not here. On the damn ship. I don’t give a fuck if you get fired for doing whatever it is you need to do to get us out of here, but do it! Or you will be charged for the death of the youngest Captain,” _The love of my life._ “and the Federation’s golden boy, see how they take that.”

The suited man remained silent, grinding his teeth together. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Do it fast,” Leonard spat.

Uhura moved back when Leonard approached Jim and dropped to his knees. Jim began to squirm, clutching his belly in pain.

“Bones, hurts.”

“I know, Jim, but I can’t give you any more medication, I’m sorry.”

A violent cough tore through Jim’s body, sending a trickle of blood down the side of his mouth.

“Len,” Uhura alerted Leonard to the increased blood flow leaving Jim’s body.

“Damn it,” Leonard immediately applied pressure with his bare hands, staining his skin.

“Has the bullet been dislodged?” Spock asked.

“Not entirely,” Leonard shook his head. “I think it was expelled a little but it’s still blocking most of the blood flow. Another cough like that and we won’t be this lucky.” _Lucky. Figures._

Jim’s head started twitching harshly from side to side as if he were fighting off a nightmare. Leonard’s palm covered his cheek, smearing it with bright red as he tried to snap Jim out of it. Not getting anywhere, Leonard took another precaution.

“Spock, I need you to hold him down with that super Vulcan strength of yours. At least if he coughs, his body won’t jerk. We have enough problems as it is,” Leonard ordered.

“Doc, they managed to create a one way beam for us to the Enterprise. It’s on a secured network,” Sulu informed Leonard.

“Whatever gets Jim out of here. Scotty, get on your comm and tell M’Benga to ready the OR and to wait for us in the bay, we don’t have any more goddamn time to lose.”

Leonard pushed two fingers into Jim’s neck to manually check his pulse to give the go-ahead for transport and then it happened. It was too late to stop the beam, but Jim’s heart had stopped beating.

It felt like a lifetime until the crew assembled in the Med Bay, the room dancing with whirring white light. The moment he felt solid ground under him, Leonard threw himself over Jim and began old-fashioned CPR.

“I lost his pulse! Get me the cardio stimulator!” He barked, pressing down on Jim’s chest.

The crew drew backwards towards the door, giving the medical team space to work.

“Easy, Len, you’ll break his ribs,” M’Benga said, kneeling on the other side of Jim’s body.

“He’ll…survive…broken…ribs,” Leonard heaved. “Damn it, Jim, come on. You’re not dying on me, you bastard.”

After three rounds of electric shock, Jim’s heart jolted and began beating at a normal rhythm.

Leonard fell backwards, allowing M’Benga and Chapel to transfer the captain onto a gurney and roll him into the OR.

“I’ll be right there,” Leonard said and went to scrub in.

Leonard and M’Benga emerged from the OR looking ten years older and their scrubs splattered with blood about eight hours later. The crew had taken turns waiting in the Med Bay and it was Scotty’s when the doctors reappeared. Spock never left the bay. Leonard would scoff at that if he weren’t this tired.

“He’s okay,” Leonard nodded at the two crewmen. “Gave us a couple scares but that’s Jim Kirk, shouldn’t expect anything less. He’s not out of the woods yet but his numbers are stable and wounds are healing. He’s going to need physical therapy for his leg but other than that, he’s expected to make a full recovery with time.”

“We were in need of some good news, Doctor,” Spock smiled a little. “I shall go inform the bridge crew.”

Leonard moved Jim to a private room, tinting the transparent walls to keep Jim shielded from the prying yet concerned eyes of the crew. He knew they needed to know what’s happening to their captain but in this very moment, Jim needed privacy and he’d get it. Leonard wouldn’t keep anything from the crew, if they had questions to which he had definite answers, he would tell them. However, as far as visits went, the only three people aside from himself who were allowed to see Jim in his current state were M’Benga, Chapel and Spock. Everyone else can wait. Too much commotion and movement can affect Jim’s recovery and that’s something no one needs.

Leonard dismissed M’Benga and after the other man clearly voiced his disapproval and began to argue, Leonard pulled the CMO card and the don’t-make-me-order-you line, which always worked like magic. M’Benga lowered his head and sighed. Leonard told him to take the rest of the shift off, to rest and freshen up and he could take the next one. Leonard would stay on duty but remain at Jim’s side even after he was relieved.

The Med Bay was quiet once M’Benga left and Leonard changed into his medical blue tunic. Taking one last look around, Leonard walked into Jim’s room and fell into the chair next to the biobed. Jim’s numbers were still hanging around the same level, and his breathing was normal. Leonard allowed himself the smallest sigh of relief.

Leonard sat in the ire silence, the emptiness echoing in the atmosphere foreign to his ears. Jim was loud and boosting with energy and was always so alive and now…it was unnatural, Leonard had to stop himself from thinking about it. He reminded himself that Jim was alive, his eyes roaming around the interactive board, watching as Jim’s vitals danced up and down the screen. Then everything seemed to sink in, everything that happened quickly flashed against Leonard’s eyes and he shut them, hoping it would stop but they just got clearer and clearer. Jim’s blood on his hands, Jim so weak he could barely speak, Jim pale…Jim’s heart stopping when Leonard’s hands were inside his body. Leonard shook his head violently and didn’t bother stopping the tears from streaming down his crumbled face.

He bent over the biobed, taking Jim’s still hand and let the forceful sobs scar his throat and shatter his heart. He didn’t care if anyone heard him, every living soul on the ship knows how close Jim Kirk and Leonard McCoy are. But they just don’t know how much.

Soft and comfortable. Those were two words Leonard would most definitely not use to describe the situation he was in, but those words were what he felt when he came to hours later. He was still seated in the chair next to Jim, the walls around them still dimmed but realized he was covered with a blanket. Leonard moved to sit up, groaning at the stiffness in his neck and cracking of his back. Jim was still asleep. He let himself fall back into the chair and grabbed his PADD, checking Jim’s file. Chapel was in three times since he went in himself. And she probably covered him up, too. Leonard could hear M’Benga’s voice hovering outside Jim’s room, indicating that his shift was over. Just how long had he slept? Later, Chapel would tell him that he was out cold for eight straight hours.

M’Benga let himself into the Captain’s room and surveyed the patient and doctor. “Morning, Len, good to see you’re up.”

“Hey, Geoff,” Leonard replied, rubbing an eye with the back of his hand and stifled a yawn.

“Get out of here, get something to eat and freshen up, he’s not going anywhere.”

Leonard hesitated, his eyes landing on Jim.

“Need I remind you of your promise?” M’Benga pushed. “Actually, since it’s technically my shift now and you’re no longer on duty, I’m acting CMO. You relieved yourself last night. Now, don’t make me order you.”

Leonard huffed, shaking his head. “Using my words against me, that’s hurtful, Ben.”

“You gotta do what you gotta do,” Geoff clasped Leonard on his shoulder.

“If he so much as stirs—”

“I’ll comm you. Now get out of here.”

For the first time since he got on this damn ship, Leonard didn’t mind eating replicator food.

He was back at Jim’s side thirty five minutes later.

Leonard was going through some paperwork on his PADD when he saw Jim’s head twitch from the corner of his eye. He immediately let go of the device and turned his full attention to Jim. He took a quick peak at the vitals screen and saw that everything was stable.

“Jim? Jim, can you hear me?”

Jim visibly swallowed, groggily opening his eyes and squinting at the sudden rush of brightness.

“Lights, fifty percent,” Leonard ordered and the room darkened.

Jim tried again, his vision blurry but easily found Leonard in the haze.

“Bones,” Jim whispered.

“Right here,” Leonard smiled. “Welcome back, sleeping beauty.”

“How long was I out?”

“Been a while,” Leonard placed two fingers on Jim’s neck, manually taking his pulse. “How are you feeling?”

“Terrible,” Jim groaned.

“That will pass,” Leonard promised. He felt Jim shiver under his touch. “Are you cold?”

“Nah,” Jim shook his head. “Okay, that wasn’t a good idea.”

“Any movement isn’t a good idea right now, Jim. I didn’t put your insides back where they belong to have you mess it all up now.”

“You’re getting good at putting my insides back where they belong,” Jim teased.

“I was always good at that, but damn it, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t challenge my medical skills this often.”

They fell into silence, and Leonard found his hand moved up to cup Jim’s cheek. The moment he touched the warm skin, he watched as all the ego and confidence Jim had built up slip away and replaced with genuine rawness and wonder. It was like Jim was being touched for the first time and in more ways than one, he was. Very rarely had Leonard seen Jim like that and it made his heart skip a beat.

Jim didn’t pull away, a good sign. Suddenly surging with courage, Leonard dared to run his thumb across Jim’s cheek, their eyes never breaking from each other. Leonard felt Jim’s muscles tighten under his touch and knew it was too good to be true. He moved to retract his arm when Jim’s hand quickly latched onto his wrist, keeping it in place. Leonard instantly tightened his fingers around Jim’s hand, his eyes going wide and his heart running two miles a minute. The flame of hope was lit up again.

Jim struggled with his words. “Thank you,” he managed to pull out. “And I’m sorry.”

“For…what?”

Jim swallowed, his mouth and throat suddenly sandy and dry. “I’ve always known. I just…I tried to ignore it. Not like that, but…I’m messing this up.”

Leonard’s mind went back to the planet, with Jim lying on the ground. _I know_ , he said. Jim knows. Jim knew all along. Leonard’s legs began to throb.

The doctor pulled his arm away but Jim’s weak grip strengthened. “Bones, don’t go,” he pleaded.

“I’m just gonna grab the chair.”

Jim nodded, releasing Leonard’s arm.

“How long?” Leonard asked.

“I don’t know,” Jim sighed. “Maybe all along. I was hoping you’d grow out of it. Or find someone else.”

“Why the hell would I want to do that?”

“Because you’re you and I’m me and you…deserve better. It was hard, it was really hard not to run into your arms and let you protect me. You shouldn’t have to do that…no matter how much I wanted you to.”

“What?”

“When the shit hit the fan, I wanted to tell you, but I knew you’d never forgive me. I wanted to tell you that I feel the same way that I always have. I didn’t want to die knowing that your last memory of me would be that…giving you what you so desperately wanted and then snatching it away from you.”

“You never say that, Jim. You never say you’re gonna die.”

“I know,” Jim nodded. “But I really thought I would this time,” he sniffed. “It’s not like anything I felt before, everything was brighter and as time went I wasn’t in that much pain and I was scared that I wouldn’t wake up.”

“That was the pain medication.”

“No, no it wasn’t. I know what pain meds feel like, what they can do and this was different. I felt like I was at peace. And I couldn’t do that to you.”

Leonard sighed, leaning backwards in his chair.

“I know it’s not fair, and I don’t expect you to forgive me. It’s not headline news that I’m screwed up, and people always leave. I don’t get close, I don’t allow myself to get close but when I met you, all I wanted was to get close and it scared the shit out of me, Bones. I kept myself busy, because if I got close and then you left…that would be the end of me. I always thought it was be easier if it went to hell when we were just friends, but that doesn’t mean I wanted to be more, so much more,” Jim turned his head to face Leonard, a tear slipping out of his eye and ran down his temple.

Leonard surged forward, settling his hand on Jim’s face. “I’m never leaving, it’s not even an option. I’m here because I want to be here. I chose you, Jim, and that is something I will never regret. You’re scared, but so am I.”

“You don’t hate me?”

“Never, Jim. Never.”

Jim moved his head so he could kiss Leonard’s palm, closing his eyes when Leonard’s lips met his forehead.

“You don’t ever have to worry about losing me,” Leonard mumbled.

Watery emotional blue eyes met clear determined hazel ones.

“It’s gonna be okay, darlin’.”

Jim nodded and leaned in, Leonard meeting him halfway.

When M’Benga resurfaced, Leonard and Jim’s fingers were intertwined, Leonard’s read rested next to Jim’s on the pillow. Jim’s finger danced on Leonard’s skin, drawing irregular shapes, Leonard’s eyes never leaving Jim’s face.

Sensing a presence in the room, Leonard moved to sit up but didn’t untangle their hands.

M’Benga smiled at the scene, clearly content. “About time you two figured it out. Takes almost dying, I see.”

Leonard and Jim exchanged confused glances.

“The crew’s been on edge,” M’Benga chuckled.

“What are you talking about?” Jim asked.

“They all took wagers on whether you two would, you know, get it on.”

Leonard raised an eyebrow. “Is that what the crew does in their free time?”

“Not only their free time,” M’Benga shrugged. “Well, it’s time for me to collect. And it’s also time for the Captain’s check up.”

“I’m not leaving,” Leonard shook his head.

“Didn’t ask,” M’Benga moved to the other side of Jim’s bed.

Jim chuckled when Leonard’s stomach growled. “Get some food, Bones. I’ll be fine.”

“Jim…”

“You need to keep your strength up, I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re starting to sound like me,” Leonard puffed.

“I wonder why,” Jim teased. “Go.”

Leonard brushed his lips against Jim’s forehead and got up. He really was starving.

And of course, Jim wasn’t fine.


	3. Chapter 3

Leonard was sitting with Spock and Uhura, almost done with his food when his comm chirped.

“McCoy.”

“Len,” M’Benga’s voice was strained, and Leonard immediately knew something was wrong.

“What happened?”

Spock and Uhura stopped eating, turning their attention to M’Benga’s voice.

“Jim’s pressure bottomed out and I can’t get it back up—”

“I’m on my way,” Leonard flipped his comm shut and rushed out of the mess, Spock and Uhura hot on his heels, their unfinished meals forgotten.

_No, Jim, don’t you dare. Not after everything you survived, not after everything that was said. I just got you back, don’t you dare leave me. There’s still so much for us, don’t leave that behind. Don’t leave me behind…_

“Len, thank God! I don’t know what happened, one second he was talking to me and the next the biobed is wailing,” M’Benga explained when he saw all three rush into the bay.

Together, the doctors began examining Jim for the usual causes of low blood pressure. He wasn’t bleeding, he wasn’t dehydrated, he was up and talking, the infection was clearing out, which only left…

“Don’t tell me he’s developed another allergy,” Leonard roared.

“He isn’t allergic to any of the meds,” M’Benga said, wanting to double check, he looking through Jim’s file.

“He could develop one at any time, damn it,” Leonard huffed. “We need to counteract it.”

“How do we know which one is causing the reaction?”

Leonard took the PADD from M’Benga and began looking through the list of medication Jim received. “There two are new,” he pointed out. “It could be either one of them.”

“It doesn’t make sense, wouldn’t it have began when it was first administered?”

“If it were alone, yeah. I’m guessing it’s a late onset because of the other medication that was also given at the time. It just took longer to show itself. Stop these two and replace them with these, they’re weaker but God knows Jim’s allergic to the good stuff.”

Chapel nodded and got to work.

“Fill him up with fluids and push dopamine,” Leonard said, moving to the head of the bed to cover Jim’s face with the oxygen mask and increased the oxygen output.

“Doctor, will Jim be alright?”

“Hopefully,” Leonard nodded. “He’s gotta be dramatic one way or another.”

“Please keep me informed on his condition.”

“He’s gonna be out for a while, but sure Spock.”

“I must return to the bridge. The situation on Delta IV is still in progress.”

“They didn’t catch whoever did this?” Leonard frowned.

“They are…working on it.”

“Did anyone else get hurt?”

“The Captain suffered the worst injuries.”

Leonard sighed. “Keep me updated, okay? I need to have answers.”

“Very well, doctor.”

Spock and Uhura hung around from a few more minutes before heading to the bridge. And once again, Leonard was left alone with Jim.

“Don’t scare me like that again, you idiot,” Leonard sat down, taking Jim’s hand. “Who am I kidding? You’re Jim Kirk, you’re gonna give me a heart attack one day. And I’m talking to myself.” He watched as Jim’s oxygen mask fogged with each breath.

Jim didn’t budge.

Leonard’s eyes snapped open, from how quiet the bay sounded, he assumed it was the graveyard shift. He snuck out of Jim’s room to stretch his legs and saw two nurses around. They gave him small acknowledging nods, which he returned and then went back into Jim’s room.

Jim came around about an hour later, his first instinct to remove whatever was on his face but his arms was stopped by stronger ones.

“No, no, Jim, you gotta keep that on,” Leonard interfered.

“Wha’?” Jim squinted.

“It’s an oxygen mask, you need to keep it on at least till the morning.”

“What happened?”

“You had an allergic reaction to one of the new meds. We don’t know which one so we just stopped them both and gave you something we know you’re not allergic to. But the new stuff is weaker, you won’t feel as good as you did last time,” Leonard explained.

Jim winced. “It hurts.”

“I know. If only you weren’t allergic to all the damn good stuff, kid,” Leonard huffed, slipping his hand between Jim’s. “Squeeze my hand, that might help.”

“Did…they find them?” The mask muffled Jim’s words but Leonard understood him just fine.

“Not yet,” Leonard sighed. “Spock’s been on the bridge, doing all that and he comm’d earlier, still nothing. But they’ll find them, and those bastards will pay.”

Jim closed his eyes for a couple of seconds before opening them again. “Was anyone else hurt?”

“Yeah but you were the worst off. How close were they to you?”

“Happened so quickly,” Jim breathed.

Leonard threaded his free hand through Jim’s messy hair, keeping their eyes locked together. “Do you need anything?”

“Water.”

Leonard grabbed the cup sitting on the nearby table and lifted Jim’s mask enough to guide the straw into his mouth. “Easy, easy, slow down.” When Jim was done, Leonard returned the cup and took the advantage and pecked Jim’s lips. Chapped and dry they were but the kiss filled him with reassurance and warmth. Jim smiled against him.

“Don’t ever do that to me again,” Leonard whispered.

“I’ll try,” Jim promised.

Leonard knew it was a promise as good as any.

Jim steadily improved over the next few days, sitting up and talking and was allowed visitation only from the bridge crew, and one person at a time. Leonard was always near, ready to chew off the head of whoever gets Jim too excited and politely kicks them out of his Med Bay. _You’re overreacting, Bones_ , Jim had said. _You say that now. Wait until your BP drops again and see who will help you then,_ Leonard had retorted. _Seriously, Jim, we just got it stabilized, take it slow for a bit._

After talking to M’Benga, Leonard managed to return to light duty, something he was on board with since it gives him the opportunity to keep a constant eye on Jim. He learned the hard way that anything can go wrong at any moment, regardless of the progress.

Leonard’s comm came to life just as he stepped out of Jim’s room.

“McCoy.”

“Doctor,” came Spock’s voice. “You are needed on the bridge.”

“What’s up?”

“It’s concerning the situation on Delta IV.”

“I’ll be right there.” Leonard closed his comm and turned back into Jim’s room. “They need me on the bridge. I’ll be back in a bit, okay?”

“Is it about what happened?”

“Yeah,” Leonard sighed. “I don’t know anything yet, though.”

“I wanna be there. Take me with you,” Jim sat up.

“Absolutely not,” Leonard shook his head, stepping into the room so the door would slide shut. “What did I just say? You need to take it slow.”

“I’m just gonna be sitting there, Bones.”

“You and I both know that’s not true,” Leonard eyed Jim.

Jim sighed. “I can’t sit around here anymore, I need to know what’s going on.”

“I’ll tell you everything when I come back.”

“If I’m going to know anyway why can’t I be there!”

“Because I said so,” Leonard said calmly.

“You’re actually going to do this to me?” Jim huffed.

“Do what?”

“Those people are the reason I’m in this bed—”

“I know that, believe me, I do. You have no idea how brutally aware I am of that fact.”

“Yet _still_ you’re going to keep me here, keep me from knowing what’s going on, plain and simple, that is my right—”

“Yes, I’m going to keep you here! They’ve done enough damage already, damn it! I can’t risk you anymore.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jim flinched. “You think this was my fault?”

“I never said that. I never said that,” Leonard shook his head.

“You might as well have. You always think every damn thing that ever went wrong is my fault. Why is this any different?”

“Because this wasn’t your fault. I know that.”

Jim turned his face away from Leonard.

Leonard sighed. “I’m sorry, Jim. Would you look at me? Come on, just look at me.”

Jim bit down on his lower lip as he faced the doctor.

“I’d take you with me if I thought it was a good idea. I know you feel better, I know you feel like you’re up to it, but you’re still weak, you’re still healing and I would not let anything jeopardize that. The slightest change of environment can set off a chain reaction leading to hell, all right? I want what’s best for you.”

“I know, Bones, I know,” Jim nodded.

“I’ll tell you everything when I get back,” Leonard kissed Jim’s forehead.

“I can’t even be with you on the comm?” Jim tried.

Leonard raised his eyebrows.

“Fine,” Jim said defeated

Leonard returned to the bay two hours later.

“Took you long enough,” Jim said, switching off his PADD.

“Well, they found them.”

“Why do you look like you murdered them?” Jim raised an eyebrow.

“Because there was someone I wanted to murder,” Leonard sighed, dropping on the chair next to Jim.

“What happened?”

“The entire damn conversation was about where the sons of bitches would get tried. The Deltans want it to be on their planet, but we want it to be on Earth.”

“Why Earth?”

“You were the worst off, and Earth is the capital of the Federation. It makes sense.”

“But I’m guessing they don’t see it that way.”

“They don’t. The crime has been committed on their soil, they get to handle it. Honestly, they shouldn’t get the right to handle anything, ever.”

“Bones…”

“I’m serious, Jim. Talk about lack of security.”

“It wasn’t their fault.”

“Like hell it wasn’t! If you had died, I would not have rested until they paid for that.”

“But I didn’t.” Jim reached out, touching Leonard’s arm to calm him down. “What was reached?”

“The situation will be passed onto High Command and they’ll decided where they get tried. There’s another thing, they want you to testify against them.”

Jim was silent for a few second before nodding. “Okay.”

“Jim, you don’t have to.”

“I know, but I also do.”

“They have enough on them. They will go away for the rest of their lives even without your testimony.”

“What kind of role model would I be if I didn’t testify? A Captain of a starship shying away from standing up for himself? I didn’t do anything wrong, Bones. If I don’t testify it would like saying someone else got what was owed me and I’m sitting on the sidelines. I can’t do that. This happened to me, I would say it’s my duty to stand up and show people they cannot let go of what they stand for. They can’t let what’s rightfully theirs slip between their fingers.”

“Okay,” Leonard nodded. “I’m proud of you, Jim.”

“I want you there, though.”

“I will be there, of course I will be,” Leonard moved closer, his forehead on Jim’s.

“Move in with me,” Jim said out of the blue.

Leonard pulled back, his face drawn with confusion. “What?”

“Into my quarters. Move in with me.”

“I already spend most of my time there,” Leonard reminded him.

“I know, but it’s different now. I want you to always be there.”

“I guess I gotta start moving my stuff then,” Leonard smiled.

Jim beamed, his blue eyes shinning like crystals against the dark sky. “Now when am I getting out of here?”

High Command reached a decision three days later. The trial would be held on Earth.

“Don’t put pressure on that leg,” Leonard said as he supported Jim through his quarters. “PT will start tomorrow.”

“You have no idea how much I’m looking forward to that,” Jim rolled his eyes. “Couch, please. It’s way too early for bed.”

Leonard helped guide Jim and lower him on the couch. He grabbed a cushion and placed it on the table for Jim to rest his leg on. And then dropped some old-fashioned paper books and Jim’s PADD next to the captain. “Here, read, use your time wisely.”

Leonard had unpacked everything, except for two boxes that contained snippets of his old life, things he’d much rather not go through at this moment.

“Okay, here’s your comm, try not to move too much. If you need anything, call me, I’m still on light duty.”

“Yes, sir,” Jim chuckled. “Spock is dropping by later.”

“Really, Jim? I agreed to this because of the no stress condition.”

“Oh come on, Bones, it’s Spock. How stressful can that be?” Jim shrugged.

“Be careful,” Leonard leaned down and gently pressed his lips against Jim’s.

Leonard didn’t go to Med Bay, instead he went to his own quarters and began working on his surprise for Jim.

“We’re heading back home,” Jim told Leonard when he returned after his ‘shift’. “Spock said we should be there in five days.”

“Finally, the gift that is gravity. You’ll continue your PT on solid ground.”

“And the trial is in two weeks,” Jim added, making his way to the small dinning table.

Leonard grabbed the big dish and made his way to the table. “I have a surprise for you.”

Jim could already smell it. “Bones!”

Leonard lowered the peach cobbler onto the table and watched as Jim’s eyes grew with astonishment and gratitude. “I didn’t forget.”

“But how?”

“I do still remember the combination to my quarters. I didn’t go to shift today, Ben covered for me. I snuck it in here when you were taking a nap.”

“You’re a sneaky doctor, Leonard McCoy,” Jim teased.

“They’re real peaches, now that is something even I wouldn’t pass on,” Leonard chuckled, serving Jim with a piece. “And to celebrate the beginning of your recovery.”

“People usually celebrate after recovery,” Jim said between bites.

“Who said we wouldn’t celebrate then, too?”

“This is so good, Bones, oh my God,” Jim continued to stuff his face. “Careful, you keep cooking like this and I won’t have any choice but to keep you.”

“It’s not going anywhere, darlin’. Don’t choke. Didn’t know you wanted to get rid of me,” Leonard smirked.

Leonard took Jim into Starfleet Medical when they returned to Earth for a quick check up and after setting up his PT schedule, they headed towards their living quarters. Already living down the hall from each other, Leonard began moving his stuff into Jim’s apartment without having been told. Jim did have a nicer view.

Understaffed, the hospital had asked if Leonard would be willing to log in some hours here and there, in case they needed extra hands. He agreed, knowing he’d still be close to Jim and the other man didn’t need him as frequently since his recovery was going well. Leonard managed to attend a few of Jim’s PT sessions and was grateful to see the progress being made. However, Jim wasn’t yet stable enough to walk around with no support, so it was decided he’d be attending the trail with the help of a cane. He wasn’t happy about it.

Jim swore the oath and wobblingly made his way into the witness chair. And it began. He looked out into the audience and immediately spotted Leonard, Spock, Uhura and the rest of the bridge crew, all in their Starfleet uniforms and Pike sitting next to Leonard.

The Judge asked the first question. “Captain Kirk, it is true that the confirmation of your and your crew’s attendance to the conference was last minute?”

“That is correct,” Jim nodded. “I previously didn’t know if we’d have time to attend, given that space is unpredictable but once I realized that we were making good time, I thought it would be a change of scenery for us and that we could use the fresh air.”

The Judge pushed on. “The first days of the conference went smoothly, did they not?”

“Absolutely. The crew and myself were enjoying our time and even took a few hours to explore the city,” Jim recalled.

“Do you remember what happened on the last day?”

“I do,” Jim took a deep breath.

“Was your entire crew present when the incident had begun?”

“No,” Jim shook his head. “Some of my crew had decided to take leave and seeing it was appropriate, I agreed.”

“Do you recall which crew members remained with you and who had left?”

“Commander Spock, Lieutenant Uhura and Lieutenant Commander Scott stayed with me, while Lieutenant Commander McCoy, Lieutenant Sulu and Ensign Chekov left.”

“Lieutenant Commander McCoy is your Chief Medical Officer and a close friend, is he not?”

“He is, we’ve known each other since the Academy.”

“So, when the incident took place and you got injured, you didn’t get immediate medical assistance.”

Leonard’s heart suddenly dropping into his stomach as he exchanged frowned looks with Pike.

“My crew is trained in medical response but that’s correct. Doctor McCoy eventually came back, I could hear Lieutenant Uhura comming him but I don’t know how much time had passed.”

“During with the absence of Doctor McCoy, you still didn’t get professional medical attention until your CMO returned.”

“Yes.”

“They’re not going to ask me how bad it was, are they?” Leonard whispered to Pike.

“They can call anyone to the stand,” Pike sighed.

“Wonderful,” Leonard cursed under his breath.

“Why don’t you take us through what happened, Captain.”

Jim paused, suddenly hesitant and looked directly at Leonard who gave him a small supportive nod. Jim cleared his throat. “It all happened so quickly. The room was full, I went to get another drink when I saw them from the corner of my eye. They seemed out of place but I didn’t give it much thought. I didn’t see the guns until it was too late. And then the room erupted, the sound of guns firing, people screaming, glass shattering,” Jim stared into nothingness, as if he were remembering and telling himself. “I didn’t realize I was on the floor until I saw Spock and Uhura standing over me. And then the pain hit, my entire body was on fire. The rest is just…a haze.”

Leonard could see Jim building up a wall and he knew what when down was playing behind his eyes. He wanted to stand up and yell at them it’s enough, that Jim’s already been through that. Pike’s hand on his thigh stopped his tapping.

“How did you feel?”

“Like I was dying,” Jim answered honestly. “I’ve been hurt a lot before, but this felt different. After a while, I couldn’t feel the pain, everything was brighter, brighter than it should have been. When I came to, I could see Bones, Doctor McCoy, and he was talking to me but I could barely hear him. The next thing I remember is waking up in Medical Bay on the Enterprise.”

The trip back to their apartment was a quiet one. Leonard and Jim sat in the backseat of the car holding hands, Leonard running his thumb over Jim’s knuckles to remind him that he’s right there, and Jim accepted.

“You did good, darlin’,” Leonard said, getting into bed next to Jim.

Jim sighed, snuggling into Leonard’s side. “Then why do I feel like crap?”

“It’s still fresh, that’s expected.”

Jim threw his arm over Leonard’s chest and listened to the older man’s heartbeat echo in his ear.

“Jim?”

“Hmm?”

“You never told me you saw them.”

“Wouldn’t have changed anything. And I didn’t really see them, I just caught a glimpse. Maybe…maybe it was my fault.”

“Why would you say that?”

“I was too slow, maybe if I had been faster…”

“No,” Leonard said harshly. “What happened was not your fault, you hear me? It’s those bastards’ fault and they’re locked away now.”

“I was so scared, Bones,” Jim’s voice shook.

“I know, I was, too.”

“Bones?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Leonard nuzzled his nose in Jim’s hair and inhaled the scent that is all _Jim_.

They still have a lot of things to figure out, but that’s all right because they have forever to do it. And who knows, maybe there are even two matching silver bands in their future. ‘Monogamy’ would be the one word Jim Kirk knows best.


End file.
